how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
