somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
