I want to make a zoo with you.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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