no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
