One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
