just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
