he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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