Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
