my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
