Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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