Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
