I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
