It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You made out with two different species that night
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
