just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
