My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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