i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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