Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think your dad took our porno
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
