Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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