Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When are your genitals available?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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