I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
