It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
