naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize