All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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