ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
