How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
