Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
