Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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