I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
