Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
