Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
