It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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