So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
