Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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