Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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