We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
