I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
