nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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