My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
