He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
