I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
