No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I supernannyed him into submission
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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