I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
