Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
