If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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