I cannot find my penis.
It's Friday. Sex?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
