Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
