I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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