You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
