i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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