i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize