i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
