If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
