I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
