Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The uberlube is also flammable
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
