Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
