I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
