Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
