meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
And then he peed in my hair
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