you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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