Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
A bitchslap is in order.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
