I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize