so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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