In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
