worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
