Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
