I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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