Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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