AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
