my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
