A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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