textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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