This is not my ceiling
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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