We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He has the fingertips of a God
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