Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Farmville is her only friend.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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