apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
time to smoke my breakfast
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
