I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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