Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
