Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The feeling are messing with the penis
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
