i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
