Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
