who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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