btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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