I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
