their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
